I used to work at a treatment center for eating disorders in San Antonio, TX, and I’ll never forget one Thanksgiving dinner we celebrated there with the clients we served. First, if you know anything about eating disorders, you’ll know that this time of year can be extremely challenging. Lots of food, family dynamics, a busy time of year in general… it can be a recipe for stress, anxiety, and increased urges. We would have a “practice” Thanksgiving meal with clients approximately one week before the actual holiday, complete with the turkey, the stuffing, and all the traditional sides. Some food would come directly from the center’s interior patio garden, where we would often hold therapeutic groups or take breaks during the day to soak up a little sunshine. The Thanksgiving practice meal was lovingly prepared by all of us- the staff dietitians, therapists, and clients together. We talked about the memories and emotions the holiday elicited, the various foods folks found challenging, and ways to have a more calm and connected experience. Some individuals really struggled while eating the meal; others did just fine. The beauty in it all was that we made it ok to talk about the hard parts of the holidays, we created a supportive environment, and we were all in it together. I remember observing a woman far along in her recovery whisper words of encouragement at the table to a younger client who was greatly struggling. I remember thinking, “So this is what it looks like to heal in community…this is what it looks like to deal with our challenges and pain head-on, with no judgment, nothing ‘off-limits’, and with powerful support.” I’ll never, ever forget it.
I know everything Thanksgiving meal can’t look like this across America. And it probably shouldn’t. There are some tables where it wouldn’t be safe to open up, get real, and be vulnerable. However, I hope that you do find and hold onto people with whom you can heal and be honest, the people with whom you can talk about the hard things in life- the people that truly nourish you.
When people come to me with an eating disorder, recovery is both about the food and also not about the food. Yes, we are healing one’s actual relationship with food, so they can break vicious cycles of restriction/dieting, binging or purging. This is absolutely true. What is also true is that there’s much deeper work to be done, and the individual’s relationship with food can serve as a window into what lies beneath the surface. I frequently say that the way we feed ourselves can serve as a metaphor to how we truly nourish ourselves in general. If we’re restrictive, “denying”, and over-controlling with food, might we also be restrictive/denying/over-controlling in other areas of life (e.g., with our parenting, with our life choices, with emotions, with pleasure, etc.)? If we feel out of control around food- vacillating between binge/purge episodes or dieting and binging, could this also point to other areas in our lives where we feel chaotic, and in need of stability and regulation?
I encourage all of us to examine the ways in which we’re truly nourishing ourselves right now in our lives- in our relationships and in other, more individual ways. We need both. I also encourage you to gently explore your relationship with food, and rather than criticizing or shaming yourself, allow your eating patterns to possibly elucidate needs in your life that may be going unmet.
I’m wishing everyone a Thanksgiving filled with exactly what you’re needing right now and what matters most to you. I’m so grateful to all the clients I serve and to this online community that supports me in doing the work I love. Thank you!