Healing the Disconnect: Rediscovering Your Intuitive Eater
For many of us, years of dieting, food rules, or disconnection from our bodies have made it difficult to recognize our natural hunger and fullness cues. We’ve internalized external messages about when, what, and how much to eat, rather than listening to the inherent wisdom of our bodies. This can make it really hard to trust ourselves around food and to eat in a way that feels nourishing, satisfying, and sustainable.
If you've been feeling out of touch with your body's natural signals, you’re definitely not alone. When I introduce the tenets of intuitive eating to clients, two of which involve learning to "honor your hunger" and "honor your fullness," I receive a lot of looks akin to a deer in headlights. Clients will say some version of: “Well…that sounds too good to be true” or “How in the world do I do that?” or “Well, I know when I’m hungry and full, but I just can’t seem to stop or listen to any of it.” Eating processes that appear so easy and second nature (i.e., intuitive) to babies and young children, seem to truly challenge a large percentage of adults. In the world we live in, with its rampant messaging about how we should eat and how we should look, is it any wonder so many folks have damaged relationships with food?
The good news is that reconnecting with these cues, and with our bodies in general, is absolutely possible. It takes time, patience, and practice, but I assure you I see it happen all the time in my practice. Let’s dive in to some basics to get you started.
Getting Back in Touch with Hunger & Fullness
One of the most foundational aspects of intuitive eating is learning to honor your hunger and fullness cues, but after years of ignoring them—whether through dieting, stress, or a busy schedule—many people struggle to recognize these cues or they only register the extremes. Hunger cues may become weak, inconsistent, or even absent, leading to confusion or anxiety about when and what to eat. Fullness cues are either something to be avoided due to associated shame (“I should never eat that much!”) or pushed past due to cycles of deprivation and restriction (“I’m not sure when I’ll have the opportunity to eat like this again- better go for it!”).
If this describes you, "structured eating" will be very important in the beginning stages of getting back in touch with your intuitive eater. Think of structured eating as putting a cast on a broken bone; the cast will help you heal, but it won’t be there forever. The idea is that while you are engaging in structured eating (regular, balanced meals and snacks spaced fairly evenly throughout the day), your hunger/fullness cues will gradually come back “online”. In this stage you will become more adept at picking up and relearning the subtleties of your body’s signals, allowing you to eventually trust them more fully. Once this occurs and your relationship with food begins to heal more and more, the “cast” (structured eating) can go away.
It's important to note two things here: 1) intuitive eaters are not always going to be able to eat intuitively, and 2) some individuals, for a variety of reasons, experience greater difficulty in accessing hunger/fullness cues. Contrary to the misconception that intuitive eating is simply about “eat when you’re hungry, stop when you’re full,” there’s often more to it than that. Intuitive eating isn’t always 100% instinct. It's also grounded in logic. When your hunger signals aren’t working well (due to situational stressors, years of disconnection, mental health conditions, or medical issues), logic can ensure that your body still gets what it needs. For example, let’s say an individual who typically eats intuitively is going through a bad breakup. She has not been experiencing hunger during lunchtime at work (she still works with her ex). Despite a lack of hunger cues, she knows it’s important to eat something to prevent becoming overly hungry later in the day. This isn’t about following strict rules but rather providing gentle structure, enabling her to rebuild the connection between mind and body during a challenging time.
Some individuals who experience various medical or mental health conditions (chronic pain, anxiety, PTSD, or eating disorders) may experience chronic or more long-lasting impairment with hunger/fullness cues. This does not mean there is anything wrong; it is just information to inform how we can help these individuals approach their relationship with food. They might need times of gentle structure combined with more intensive structure. They might also need to identify and access tools that enable them to better access hunger/fullness cues (e.g., somatic practices, distress tolerance skills, self-soothing techniques, etc.). Intuitive eating is not a one-size-fits-all approach, and it’s not about perfection either. It’s about learning to honor and respect your unique body, meeting its individual and varying needs.
Practical Tools to Begin Listening In
Start by slowing down your meals and tuning in to how you feel in the moment. What do you need to support mindfulness and/or your ability to emotionally regulate? Do whatever you need to do support yourself around food. Then, consider these questions before, during, and after you eat:
1. How does my stomach feel? Do I notice any sensations like a growling, hollowness, or tightness? Does my stomach feel empty or unsettled?
2. What is my energy level like right now? Am I feeling sluggish, shaky, or lightheaded? Do I feel a sudden dip in energy that might be signaling hunger?
3. How is my mood? Am I feeling irritable, distracted, or anxious?
4. Do I feel any gnawing, weakness, or slight nausea that might suggest my body needs nourishment?
5. How long has it been since I last ate? Am I noticing that my body feels ready for more fuel?
6. Is there a sensation of comfortable fullness or satisfaction while I eat, or am I starting to feel heaviness, tightness, or pressure in my stomach?
7. What is my level of enjoyment as I eat? Is the taste of the food still as enjoyable as when I started, or is it becoming less appealing, indicating that I might be full?
8. How is my body feeling overall? Am I feeling relaxed/content/satisfied/energized, or am I starting to feel bloated/uncomfortable/sluggish?
Sometimes people need to ease into these types of questions. They may be too much to think about at the beginning. That’s perfectly ok. If you’re new to this process, you might just need to focus on gentle, structured eating with brief check-ins before and after meals (e.g., “How am I feeling emotionally? “On the hunger/fullness spectrum- where am I?”). Relearning how to honor your hunger and fullness is a journey, one that requires compassion and patience. Ease into it, go at your own pace, and trust that a different relationship with food is possible.