How to Talk to Kids About Bodily Changes Without Shame, Judgment or Fear
Bodies change — it’s normal and happens to us all. As parents, caregivers, and trusted adults, we have the opportunity to help children navigate these changes with curiosity, acceptance, and compassion. By framing bodily changes as natural and neutral rather than shameful or alarming, we can lay the foundation for a lifelong positive relationship with their bodies. Here’s how we can effectively approach conversations about bodily changes in different life stages or circumstances, with practical examples of what to say.
Puberty: Understanding Growth and Development
Puberty is often the first major period of bodily change a child will experience, marked by changes in shape, size, weight, and overall appearance. During this time, it’s essential to normalize these changes as a sign of regular growth and development.
Example Statements:
“Your body is growing just the way it’s meant to. It’s doing a lot of work to get you ready for adulthood, and everyone’s timeline looks a little different.”
“During puberty, it’s normal to grow in spurts where you might notice sudden changes in your height or shape. Your body is also adjusting its proportions and composition, like where muscle or fat is distributed, as part of this natural process.”
It’s also so important to emphasize that health is multifaceted and affected by so many factors (i.e., weight/size do not give us a comprehensive picture). These factors include genetics, environment, access to resources, sleep, nutrition, movement, emotional well-being, and connection with others.
Example Statement:
“There are so many ways to take care of our bodies, and none of them depend on being a certain size. Eating foods that make us feel good, moving in ways we enjoy, and getting enough rest, just to name a few, are all so important.”
Pregnancy and Postpartum: Celebrating a Body’s Adaptability
Pregnancy and postpartum bring unique bodily changes that children may notice or have questions about. This is an excellent opportunity to highlight the remarkable adaptability of the human body.
Example Statements:
“When someone is pregnant, their body works extra hard to make space for the baby to grow. After the baby is born, their body keeps changing as it recovers and adjusts to a new season of life.”
“Bodies are amazing in how they can stretch, grow, and heal. These changes are a natural part of bringing new life into the world.”
Avoid framing postpartum bodies as something to “fix” (e.g., the many magazines touting postpartum celebrities and “how they got their bodies back!”). Even well-intentioned comments like, “You look amazing!” or “you look like you never even had a baby!” still put a strong emphasis on appearance, reinforcing notions that an individual’s body and appearance are of utmost importance. Instead, focus on the incredible process they’ve been through and the importance of self-care, both physical and emotional.
Example Statement:
“It’s normal for bodies to look different after having a baby. What matters most is how someone feels and cares for themselves during this time.”
Midlife and Aging: Embracing Evolution
As people age, their bodies may change in size, shape, and ability. These changes can be accepted as a natural part of the human experience, rather than something to resist or fear at all costs. (Even though, yes, it can be really hard to get older!)
Example Statements:
“As we get older, our bodies change to reflect all the years we’ve lived and the things we’ve done. That’s something to be proud of.”
“Bodies might look really different and slow down as we age, but they’re still strong and capable in so many ways.”
Lifelong Changes: Normalizing the Ebbs and Flows
Body changes are certainly not exclusive to puberty, pregnancy, or aging. Weight, size, and shape can fluctuate throughout life due to stress, illness, lifestyle changes, and more. Normalizing this can help children build resilience and body trust.
Example Statements:
“Bodies are always changing. That’s part of being human. What matters most is how we take care of and listen to them.”
“How we look doesn’t tell us much about how ‘healthy’ someone is. Health is about so much more than that.”
General Tips for Body-Related Conversations
Use Neutral Language: Avoid judgmental terms as descriptors. Instead, focus on neutral observations or on the body’s functions and capabilities.
Celebrate Diversity: Reinforce the idea that all bodies have inherent worth, regardless of their shape, size, or abilities.
Model Self-Compassion: Be mindful of how you speak about your own body. Children are sponges; they often pick up on way more than we realize!