Can We Ever “Get Over” Body Shame? Shame Resilience Theory & Implications for Body Image
Who among us hasn't experienced the deep-seated pang of shame, that intensely painful experience rooted in beliefs that we are somehow flawed/unworthy/unacceptable/just not good enough? Shame, a powerful and universal emotion, has the potential to completely derail our sense of self-worth and hinder our ability to lead fulfilling lives. Understanding shame resilience theory, as proposed by Dr. Brené Brown, offers a framework for navigating this complex emotion, and it has implications for coping with body image and body shame in particular.
First, let’s clarify some terms and make some important distinctions. Shame is the emotion we feel when we experience a sense of deep unworthiness, while guilt is an emotion we experience when we’ve done or failed to do something that goes against our values. Body shame refers to the the unique brand of shame we experience when criticized (by ourselves or others) for perceived bodily flaws or imperfections. Due to these perceived bodily flaws, we feel that our body is unacceptable and unworthy, which can lead to really harmful or even destructive behaviors. Shame resilience is the ability to recognize, confront, and move through feelings of shame without letting them define our worthiness. Central to Brown’s theory are four key components: recognizing shame, normalizing shame, practicing critical awareness, and reaching out for connection. Let’s talk about these components as they specifically apply to body shame.
1. The first step in building shame resilience is recognizing when shame is at play. This involves becoming attuned to the physical and emotional cues that signal shame's presence, such as a sinking feeling in the chest, a desire to negatively compare one’s self to another, or a sense of disgust. Here’s the thing with body shame, however- it could almost always be at play in our current culture. We are so steeped in messaging that tells us to constantly fix and correct our bodies. Rarely do we receive messages, unless we are very intentional and mindful, that our bodies are acceptable and worthy just as they are. I believe we can shift the culture, but it’s important to note the pervasive body-shaming messages out there.
2. Normalizing shame is the next crucial step in the process. Understanding that shame is a universal human experience can help us feel less alone in our struggles. Brown emphasizes the importance of recognizing that we are not alone in our shame and that it does not make us inherently flawed or unworthy. This is such an important reminder, especially when it comes to our bodies. First, we are not alone in terms of body shame, and secondly, we are not the problem, the toxic beauty and fitness culture is. We are not unworthy just because we’ve been conditioned to criticize our bodies and feel shame when we don’t measure up. It’s time to examine this sense of shame more deeply and to really question it. Which leads to…
3. Practicing critical awareness involves challenging the messages of shame and cultivating a more compassionate inner dialogue. This means we must question the unrealistic standards and expectations that fuel body shame and recognize the inherent worthiness of every individual. Through practices such as mindfulness and self-compassion, we can develop a greater sense of acceptance and kindness towards ourselves, one step at a time.
4. Finally, reaching out for connection is essential for building resilience against shame. Sharing our experiences of shame with trusted others can provide validation, empathy, and support. Brown emphasizes the importance of cultivating relationships built on authenticity and vulnerability, where we can show up as our true selves without fear of judgment. In regards to body shame, it is so important to create a community of likeminded, supportive individuals who will help you question cultural messages and ultimately decide to believe and act differently. Make no mistake about it- this is countercultural work. It doesn’t mean that we’ll never struggle, but it does mean that we are actively choosing to believe that we are inherently worthy of love and connection just as we are.
Applying shame resilience theory to the specific experience of body shame, we can see how these principles can offer a pathway to healing and empowerment. By recognizing and normalizing the experience of body shame, challenging societal norms and expectations, practicing fierce self-compassion and critical awareness, and seeking support from trusted others, we can begin to reclaim our sense of worthiness. Transforming a toxic culture starts with individual efforts, each requiring a lot of courage and determination. However, the toll of enduring perpetual shame outweighs any challenges encountered along the way. It’s worth the work and we can do this- together.