Parents Under Pressure: An Urgent Public Health Issue
Parenting can be one of the most rewarding experiences life can offer, but let's be real—it can also be one of the most stressful. As a mental health expert with years of experience working with kids and families, I’ve seen firsthand the toll that stress can take on parents. And if you’re feeling overwhelmed, you’re certainly not alone.
A recent advisory issued by the US Surgeon General highlighted just how widespread parental stress has become. 41% of parents indicate that most days they are so stressed they cannot function, and 48% say their daily stress is completely overwhelming. These numbers paint a clear picture: millions of parents are struggling. The US Surgeon General, Dr. Vivek Murthy, stated in his recent advisory that “something has to change”, since “we know that the wellbeing of parent and caregivers is directly linked to the wellbeing of their children.”
What’s Driving Parental Stress?
So, what exactly is causing all this stress? According to the Surgeon General’s report, some of the major stressors plaguing parents include:
- Financial Strain, Economic Instability, and Poverty: It’s no secret that raising a child is expensive. With the rising cost of living, many parents are struggling to make ends meet. Whether it’s worrying about paying the bills or affording extracurricular activities, financial stress can weigh heavily on parents.
- Time Demands: Between work, school, and household responsibilities, there never seems to be enough hours in the day. Parents are constantly juggling multiple roles, often feeling like they’re stretched too thin. From 1985 to 2022, mothers, in particular, experienced an increase in 40% in time spent in providing primary child care. The mental load (managing complex schedules, anticipating your children’s needs, organizing their various activities, and just generally staying “on top” of it all) requires significant time and energy, and can greatly impact one’s mental health.
- Children’s Health and Safety: Every parent wants their child to be healthy and safe, but these concerns can become a source of anxiety. Whether it’s dealing with a child’s chronic illness or worrying about their safety at school, these issues can certainly keep parents up at night.
- Parental Isolation and Loneliness: Parenting can be an isolating experience, especially when you’re struggling to find time for social connections. Many parents do not have local extended family on which to rely for help and support (or their friends are busy with their own kids!), further compounding their stress and overwhelm.
- Technology and Social Media: The pressure to be the “perfect parent” is amplified by the internet and social media, where our comparison culture runs rampant. Parents, like never before, face unrealistic expectations permeating all domains of their lives: parenting styles and techniques, childhood milestones, achievement and status, health, as well as career.
- Children’s Futures: With technology advancing at a dizzying pace, as well as grave environmental concerns, there is understandable fear about our children’s futures. All parents want to effectively prepare their kids for the future, but this can be difficult when the years ahead appear bleak or difficult to predict.
The Need for a Societal Shift
The Surgeon General’s report states that we need an attitude adjustment by society regarding the importance and challenges of parenting. Dr. Murthy states: “The work of raising a child is no less valuable than the work performed in a paid job and is of extraordinary value when it comes to the impact on the future of society.” In other words, parenting should be recognized and respected as the critical work that it is. It’s time to move away from the notion that parents should be able to “do it all” without support. Instead, we need to create a culture that values and supports parents in their vital role. This will require systemic changes that promote access to affordable and quality childcare, parental mental healthcare, as well as programs that facilitate community support and connection.
Practical Tips for Managing Parental Stress
While societal change is essential, there are also steps you can take right now to manage your stress and protect your mental health:
1. Prioritize Self-Care: It’s easy to put your needs last, but taking care of yourself is crucial. Even small acts of self-care, like a few minutes of deep breathing or a short walk, can make a big difference.
2. Set Realistic Expectations: You don’t have to be a perfect parent. Repeat that again. Focus on doing your best and let go of the idea that you need to meet every expectation, whether it’s from society or social media.
3. Build a Support Network: Reach out to friends, family, or support groups. Connecting with others who understand what you’re going through can help reduce feelings of isolation. Shame and guilt only serve to exacerbate our struggles; when we become vulnerable with other, trusted individuals we know that we’re not alone.
4. Seek Professional Help: If your stress feels overwhelming and unmanageable, consider talking to a mental health professional. Therapy can provide valuable tools and strategies for coping with stress and overwhelm.
5. Be Counter-cultural: Whether this is taking social media apps off your phone (or canceling your accounts all together), limiting the extracurriculars your child participates in, or refusing to keep up with the Joneses… find small and big ways that your family can live more in alignment with your values and not just get caught up in cultural pressures and expectations. This is hard work, I realize. However, as noted above, to truly address this issue, we’re all going to have to do our best to create a true paradigm shift. Are you in??
Remember, parenting can be the toughest job in the world. I also believe that it is vital work, as we are indelibly shaping the next generation. Let’s strive for change together, one step at a time.
Murphy, V. (2024). Parents Under Pressure: The U.S. Surgeon General Advisory on the Mental Health and Well-Being of Parents.