I often find that one of two things happens when it comes to food and the holidays. The first is when food guilt serves to rob someone of their holiday joy. These individuals are so busy obsessing about what they can/cannot eat, how much weight they’re gaining, and what they’re doing to compensate, that they’re not able to be fully present in their lives. The second scenario is when folks enter the holiday season with an “oh, well!” attitude, experiencing a loss of mindfulness around food (or even a total loss of control), and promising that they’ll “do better” come January. (The food guilt may be postponed, but it’s still coming.) Does this sound familiar? If so, you’re not alone, and I promise- I’m not judging! In fact, in our current food and diet culture, I would expect it. We’re not taught to have mindful relationships with food; rather, we’re completely set up to experience dysregulated eating patterns and high levels of food guilt. So, how can we let of the guilt and relate to holiday food (and food in general) with more ease?
1. Learn mindful eating.
Yes, I know this gets thrown around a lot, but hear me out. How often do you really practice this? Are you set up to eat mindfully? Mindful eating invites us to be fully present with our meals. Instead of rushing through bites, we take our time to savor the flavors, textures, and aromas of the dish. If we only allow 5 minutes for breakfast (and listen, I know a thing or two about chaotic mornings- just doing my best to get 3 kiddos out the door…), can we really be mindful? Again, no shame or judgment here- just practice looking in and getting curious. How might you foster a sense of increased mindfulness around food this season? For me, it often involves slowing down and creating an atmosphere conducive to mindfulness (turning off technology, lighting a candle, putting out the nice napkins, etc.). Even if I’m in the car eating a quick snack (shhh…yes, this happens from time to time for me), I’m trying my best to focus as much as possible on what I’m tasting and how my body feels.
2. Take an all-foods-fit approach.
Give yourself the gift of permission this holiday. You have full permission to eat that favorite holiday dish or dessert without guilt. You can “fit” all your favorite foods into your menu- learning to honor your mind/body’s need to use food for physical nourishment, connection, and pleasure. Eating is a highly relational, cultural experience. It’s greatly tied into our memories and emotions, and this can be perfectly ok. We fear that if we “give in”, we will lose control. In reality, when we repeatedly give ourselves permission to eat what we want and listen to our bodies, we discover our limits and boundaries, and we reconnect with a sense of body-trust.
3. Allowfood to be a part of the celebration and joy.
Again, it’s ok if food isn’t purely about physical nourishment- we’re human! Babies nurse for food, yes, but they also nurse to connect with their caregivers. Think about the meaningful holiday celebrations and traditions you have, and how food can be an essential part of this experience. Instead of heaping guilt on the occasion, can you allow yourself to enjoy this aspect of food? For example, if you’re decorating sugar cookies, can you throw yourself fully into the moment, and allow yourself to enjoy them when you’re done? I know far too many people that participate in the activity of baking or creating yummy holiday fare, but deny themselves the pleasure of eating their creations.
4. Stop labeling food.
What if we just allow food to be food? What if we allow food to exist on a spectrum, both in terms of how it makes us feel (emotionally and physically) and what it provides for our bodies (again, both emotionally and physically). Rather than reducing food to narrow labels of good/bad or healthy/unhealthy, can we view food with more nuance? Can we view our relationship with food as highly individualized and ever-evolving? I invite you to consider what this may mean for your relationship with food.
5. Explore mind-body connection practices.
Explore mind-body connection practices, such as mindful breathing, yoga, nature walks, meditation, somatic therapy, etc. I find that when we feel connected with our bodies, from the inside out, we are much less likely to get caught up in the judging/critiquing/scrutinizing cycles that can lead to food guilt. Not only are we more connected to ourselves physically after these types of practices, we’re also much more emotionally connected. I have found that those urges to drink, online shop, or emotionally eat can look very different after just 15 minutes or so of yoga or a brief guided meditation... Give it a try, and see what you experience.
6. Cultivate self-compassion and empowerment rather than comparison.
How can you practice self-compassion and empowerment this holiday season? Is it a regular gratitude or affirmation practice? Is it by reminding yourself of your loved ones and your contributions to this world? On the other hand, what causes you to compare yourself to others? For so many folks, it could be too much time spent on social media or getting caught up in the holiday hustle. When you find yourself tempted to compare or already caught up in a comparison-spiral, gently remind yourself there is another way: deep self-compassion and empowerment. You are on your very own journey and there is no one just like you. Embrace and honor that as much as possible, engaging in the practices that serve as a helpful reminder.
This holiday season, I truly hope you’re able to let go of food guilt and embrace the joy. Letting go of the guilt and making peace with food doesn’t happen overnight, I know… but imagine where you could be this time next year if you committed to making small, daily changes. The steps listed above can go a long way in getting you started. As always, don’t go it alone! Professionals, individuals who’ve already gone on this journey before you, friends, and family can be a huge part of your support system.
I’d love to hear from you about your challenges, as well as your victories. Don’t hesitate to reach out!