Perfect Body = Perfect (or Better) Life?
In a world that bombards us with images of the so-called "ideal" body, it's easy to fall into the trap of believing that perfection equates to happiness. As someone deeply immersed in the field of mental health, specializing in eating and anxiety disorders, I've witnessed firsthand the toll this pursuit of perfection can take on individuals. It usually goes something like this:
“Well…maybe I don’t want the perfect body…but losing ___ pounds would be nice! I feel like I’d be much happier and more confident. I just need to get to that size, and then I can work on self-acceptance and love.”
This can still be a form of perfectionism, however. Perfectionism means not just striving towards some perfect ideal, but it can also mean striving towards making things “right” at all cost. At first glance, one might not see the problem with trying to get something “right”, but like most things in life, it’s all about the “how”- how we define the term and how we approach making something right. Do we have rigid, narrow definitions of what’s right? Do we obsessively pursue this notion of being or achieving what’s right, no matter the cost? When it comes to our bodies, who gets to determine what is the right size or weight? I would venture to say most medical doctors, especially those that truly understand the relationship between weight and health- both physical and emotional, realize the inadequacies of both the BMI and height/growth charts. So again, I ask, “How do we determine what is right for us?” And in the absence of addressing other parts of ourselves (our self-esteem, identity, anxiety management, etc.), why do we believe that we’ll miraculously be happier at this “right” size or weight? It’s because we’ve been sold this myth from a young age, unfortunately. It’s no wonder we fall for it every time.
The Illusion of Perfection Equating With Happiness
While we’ve repeatedly been sold this bill of goods, the research, however, shows a different story. In fact, studies highlight zero correlation between weight and happiness (Viken et al., 2005). I can confirm this anecdotally from my near two decades in the counseling field. Countless clients have expressed the belief that a particular number on the scale will be the magic bullet for their well-being. Yet, time and again, reality unfolds quite differently. These individuals reach a goal weight, and they are not happier. Rather, they often find their food and exercise patterns unsustainable and their life struggles still present.
The Never-Ending Treadmill
Furthermore, one of the most profound lessons I've learned in my practice is that the pursuit of perfection is an endless journey. We think we’ll be able to stop once we hit a certain goal. However, due to the nature of perfectionism, our brains have become entrenched in ways of thinking that are constantly demanding bigger, better, and more. You see, whenever we try to “solve” the issue of happiness and self-worth with something external, we’ll always come up empty. So for folks who reach their target weight, they quickly find themselves fixating on the next imperfection to be corrected. It can become a never-ending cycle, completely robbing someone of the their ability to be fully present or satisfied with their life.
How the Pursuit of Perfection Keeps us Stuck
Keeps us doing aesthetic labor
Keeps us engaged in upward comparisons and the corresponding dissatisfaction with self
Keeps us viewing self as object
Keeps us pursuing unrealistic standards (our bodies are not, after all, as malleable as we think)
Reinforces the link between worth and beauty
Contributes to the the notion that one’s identity is largely based on appearance