Finding Joy
A question I ask most of my clients, at some point in their recovery or counseling journey with me, is this: “What makes you feel the most alive or the most joyful?” And you know what? I am met with a lot of blank looks, or it takes the individual a very long time to answer. Don’t get me wrong, my clients see the value of this question, and they share with me their desperate desire to figure it out; it’s just that they feel a bit stuck when it comes to the topic of joy, pleasure, and fun in their lives.
Truly, is it any wonder we lose touch with joy as we get older? As children, play is everything. Young kids spend hours in “non-productive” pursuits, completely lost in the moment, enjoying themselves immensely. Then the early years of adolescence arrive, and joy and spontaneous play take a backseat. Gone are the hours of free time in the afternoons; our kids often have hours of homework and nightly extracurricular activities. Society sends a message to these tweens and teens that they need to start preparing for the serious act of becoming an adult- getting into good schools, building a resume, and eventually securing a good job. And yet, adolescence is a crucial time for both identity formation and the development of joy (because identity and joy go hand in hand, wouldn’t you agree?). With over 10% of adolescents suffering from severe depressive episodes (according to Mental Health America’s State of Mental Health in America 2023 survey), it appears our teens are in desperate need of a different approach to life and emotional wellbeing. While I’m fully aware that depression is a serious mental health condition, and that pursuing joy would by no means “solve” our current mental health crisis, I do believe we need a societal shift in our values and priorities, and in our ability to cultivate a life of connection and meaning. And yes, I believe joy (along with pleasure, fun, and a sense of aliveness) is crucial to the cultivation of that type of life.
So, are you ready to reclaim your sense of joy and aliveness? I heard a podcast recently where the host encouraged her listeners to think of the last time they really “felt like themselves”. She shared that this is one way to tap into one’s sense of joy. I really liked that. Because isn’t that what joy is? A deep feeling of being at peace and at ease, while simultaneously feeling alive and filled with pleasure? In other words, accessing a sense of joy means that something or someone resonates with us deeply, at a core level. It might last a few seconds or for much longer, but in that moment, we feel the emotion of joy with our full selves.
Suggestions for Finding or Rediscovering Joy:
Mine your past for clues- look for past times when you felt a sense of wonder, happiness, bliss, pleasure…where you felt most like “yourself”
Give yourself permission to experiment/explore- if you’ve lost touch with joy, it might take time to reconnect with it- that’s ok!
Let go of perfectionism - just pick something and go for it
You can’t fail; it’s all information- discovering what we don’t like is part of the process, and brings us closer to discovering what we do
Remember to take baby steps- one degree shifts still add up to a lot of change over time
Schedule “joy pursuits” into your calendar and honor those commitments - if it’s not scheduled, it won’t happen