5 Reasons Your Anxiety is Sticking Around (and How to Break the Cycle)
Anxiety can be exhausting, frustrating, and persistent—especially when it feels like no matter what you do, it just won’t go away. As a clinician specializing in anxiety, I’ve seen how it can grip people, leaving them feeling stuck and powerless. But anxiety isn't invincible, and there are often hidden reasons it lingers longer than it needs to. Let’s explore five common ways you might be unintentionally keeping anxiety around, and how shifting your approach can bring relief.
1. You Avoid What Makes You Anxious
It’s completely natural to want to avoid what makes us feel anxious. Whether it’s public speaking, a difficult conversation, or social gatherings, staying away seems like an easy way to reduce discomfort. However, avoidance actually fuels anxiety over time. The more we avoid, the more anxious we become about the situations we’re dodging. Why? Because avoidance sends a message to your brain that the situation is dangerous or unmanageable.
Alternative approach: Gradual exposure to what makes you anxious—at your own pace—helps retrain your brain that these situations aren’t as threatening as they feel. Start small and slowly work your way up, giving yourself grace as you grow.
2. You Push the Anxiety Away or Resist It
When anxiety strikes, many of us try to fight it. We tell ourselves, "I shouldn't be feeling this," or "I just need to stop worrying." Unfortunately, resisting anxiety often amplifies it. It’s like trying to hold a beach ball underwater—the more you push down, the more forcefully it pops back up.
Alternative approach: Acknowledge your anxiety instead of battling it. Practice accepting the feeling without judgment. This doesn’t mean you have to like it, but by allowing the anxiety to be there, you reduce its power over you. Mindfulness practices are especially helpful here, as they encourage you to observe your anxiety with curiosity rather than fear.
3. You’re Not Addressing the Maintaining Factors
Anxiety isn’t just about the anxious moments themselves; it’s also about the factors that keep those moments alive. Are you getting enough sleep? Drinking too much caffeine? Running on empty without ample downtime? Allowing yourself to ruminate without attempting to use skills to defuse from the thoughts? Not enforcing much-needed boundaries in your life to protect your peace and emotional wellbeing? Anxiety thrives when we’re physically and emotionally run down. These maintaining factors—such as poor self-care habits, unhealthy routines, and burnout—keep the anxiety cycle alive.
Alternative approach: Take a holistic look at your lifestyle. Are you prioritizing rest, balance, and proper nourishment? Making small, positive changes to your daily habits can significantly reduce your overall anxiety levels. Taking a look at the underlying factors and patterns can be crucial on your road to recovery as well.
4. You "Buy Into" the Anxious Content of Your Thoughts
When anxiety creeps in, it brings a wave of fearful thoughts with it. These thoughts can feel very convincing, and it’s easy to get caught up in them. Whether it's "What if I fail?" or "Something bad will happen," the more we believe these thoughts, the stronger anxiety becomes.
Alternative approach: Learn to step back and question the content of your anxious thoughts. You don’t have to believe everything your brain tells you when you’re anxious. Techniques from cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) encourage us to challenge irrational thoughts and reframe them in a more balanced way. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) teaches us to defuse from these thoughts and take a more mindful, nonjudgmental approach. The goal isn’t to eliminate anxious thoughts entirely, but to recognize that they’re not always truthful or helpful.
5. You Continuously Try to "Solve" the Anxiety
Many people get stuck trying to "solve" their anxiety, believing there’s a perfect solution out there. Whether it's overthinking the situation or searching for reassurance, trying to find a quick fix or cure-all for anxiety only reinforces the idea that anxiety is something that needs solving right now or that there is something wrong with us when we feel this emotion. This constant search for solutions can keep you stuck in a state of heightened worry.
Alternative approach: Shift from a problem-solving mindset to a more accepting one. Anxiety isn’t always something you can immediately "fix," but it is something you can manage and approach differently. Focus on coping strategies that help you coexist with anxiety in the moment, rather than seeking out ways to eliminate it entirely.
Anxiety can feel overwhelming, but it doesn’t have to be a permanent fixture in your life. By recognizing the behaviors that may be keeping your anxiety alive, you can begin to shift your approach and regain control. It’s important to remember that anxiety is not your enemy—it’s simply a signal. With patience, self-compassion, and the right strategies, you can learn to live alongside your anxiety in a more manageable, empowered way.
And remember, if you feel like you’re in over your head, reaching out to a therapist can make a world of difference. You don’t have to navigate anxiety alone!