Your Holiday Thriving (Not Just Surviving!) Kit
Want November/December to feel different this year? Do you want to actually *gasp* enjoy the holiday season, without feeling so frazzled, overwhelmed, resentful, or pressured? More joy, contentment, presence, and meaning vs. endless to-do lists, constant rushing, and obligatory tasks and activities?
I think we all really want that deep down inside, don’t we? Don’t get me wrong, I love all the holiday festivities and traditions; it’s just that I also want a bit more peace and space around all of it too. I want to choose the things that matter most to my family and me, really be present for it, and leave the rest. I want it to feel more intentional and relaxed, and less about perfectionism and expectations.
So, how do we do create that, for ourselves and our families?
1. Repeat After Me: Boundaries Are My Best Friends
The holidays can stir up complex dynamics with family and friends. Setting boundaries is a way to protect your mental and emotional health, ensuring you’re giving from a place of generosity, not depletion.
Clarify Your Boundaries: Before you’re caught in the thick of family gatherings or meet-ups, reflect on where you need boundaries this season. It might involve limiting certain topics of conversation, saying no to certain events, or setting limits on the amount of time you spend in certain environments.
Communicate Compassionately and Clearly: If you feel comfortable, gently communicate these boundaries with family or friends. For instance, you might say, “I’d love to catch up and share stories, but I’d rather avoid discussions about politics/my romantic life/my body.” Most people will understand when boundaries are framed in a way that’s both kind and clear. (If they don’t, firmly repeat the boundary and enforce natural consequences should they violate them yet again: “I’m going to leave if you can’t respect my wishes on this topic” or “This conversation is over.”)
Practice Saying No: Saying “no” without guilt is a powerful tool, especially around the holidays. Remind yourself that setting limits is a form of self-respect, and “no” doesn’t need an elaborate explanation. Consider saying, “I’m keeping things simple this season, so I’ll need to sit this one out. Thanks for understanding.”
2. Curate and Continuously Prune Your Social/Activity Calendar
With countless holiday events, from family dinners to community gatherings and work parties, it’s so important to be intentional with your calendar by both curating it proactively and pruning when necessary. We get to control what we say yes and no to, and we can change our minds.
Reflect on Your Values: What do you want this season to mean for you? Perhaps it’s a time for reconnecting with close family, or maybe it’s a chance to focus on rest and reflection. Knowing your values can make decision-making easier, guiding you to choose meaningful activities and say “no” to others without regret.
Limit/Reduce Commitments: Give yourself permission to decline invitations if they feel too much, or if you change your mind about a commitment that no longer works for you. Yes, I know no one wants to be a “flaky” friend who can’t be counted on or who routinely cancels; however, we are all human and life happens. True friends will understand our need to prioritize our mental wellbeing over attending a gathering or party.
Plan for Solitude and Downtime: Just as you schedule social events, block off time in your calendar for yourself. This is especially important during the holidays and so often forgotten! Whether it’s a cozy evening at home or a solo stroll through a holiday-lit neighborhood, making time for solitude can help you recharge and stay grounded in the hustle and bustle.
3. Attend to Your Mental Load by Delegating
If you feel like you’re juggling a to-do list that never ends, you’re definitely not alone. Many of us carry the mental load of holiday preparations, managing everything from gift-buying to meal planning. Here’s where delegation can make a world of difference.
Identify Tasks to Share: You don’t have to carry the full weight of holiday preparations alone. Take a look at your to-do list and ask yourself: what can I let go of? Perhaps family members can help with decorating, or friends can pitch in for a potluck rather than a fully hosted meal.
Ask for Specific Help: Instead of vague requests for help, be specific. “Could you bring dessert?” or “Would you mind taking care of the gift-wrapping this year?” gives clear direction, making it easier for others to pitch in.
And Of Course…Let Go of the Perfect Holiday: Often, our reluctance to delegate comes from a desire for things to be “just right.” But remember, shared efforts and imperfect moments can lead to connection and joy that go way beyond a perfectly decorated table or a perfectly coordinated gift exchange. Let’s be real- what are your favorite holiday memories from years past? Chances are they have to do with a thoughtful gesture, a meaningful tradition or experience, the laughter around your table…probably not the perfect holiday card or the expertly wrapped teacher gifts you passed out…. (but if those things bring you joy, have at it).
4. Check-In Regularly with Yourself, Tending to Your Unique Needs
The holidays are often filled with late nights, busy days, and high energy, making it easy to neglect rest. But rest and self-care are essential to your holiday survival.
Protect Your Sleep: Prioritize sleep by setting consistent bedtimes and creating wind-down routines even amidst late-night festivities. A well-rested body and mind will give you the energy and resilience to truly enjoy the season.
Engage in Simple Self-Care: You don’t need elaborate rituals to tend to yourself. Small acts of self-care, like taking a warm bath, practicing deep breathing, or enjoying a quiet moment with tea or coffee, can help you recharge.
Create Mini-Retreats: Treat yourself to mini-retreats throughout the day. It could be a ten-minute walk, a coffee date with a friend, a short meditation, or simply closing your eyes for a few minutes. These little moments of peace can help you regain your energy and stay grounded.
5. Pay Attention to Overwhelm
Despite our best intentions, holiday pressures can sometimes feel overwhelming. If you reach that tipping point, here are some grounding practices to help you navigate the stress.
Pause and Breathe: When things start to feel chaotic, pause and take a few slow, deep breaths. Breathing deeply slows your heart rate and helps bring you back into the present moment, where you can calmly assess your needs.
Ground Yourself in the Present: Bring yourself back to the “here and now” by focusing on your senses. Notice what you see, hear, feel, or smell in the room around you. Grounding yourself in sensory experiences can soothe your mind, making overwhelm feel more manageable. It also reminds us that the present moment is all we ever have and all we can really control.
Make Time for Gentle Movement: Physical activity, whether it’s a walk, stretching, or dancing, releases tension and shifts focus. Gentle movement can be especially helpful for letting go of the “fight-or-flight” response and giving you a sense of release and calm.
Reach Out for Support! If you’re finding it hard to cope, reach out to loved ones, friends, or mental health professionals. Sometimes, simply sharing what you’re going through can help lighten the load. A supportive conversation or the guidance of a mental health clinician can remind you that you’re not alone in your feelings.