Cultivating 7 Primary Components of Positive Body Image in Our Kids
Body image, as most of us well know, can be a loaded topic- one that is complex and multifaced, as well as difficult to adequately define at times. People certainly feel a wide range of emotions about their bodies- from body love to outright body hatred... and everything in between. What most people have in common, however, is a desire to improve their relationship with their bodies and to promote a positive body image for their children. Positive body image can be defined as a loving and accepting attitude towards your body, appreciating both its uniqueness and functionality (4). More specifically, positive body image can be broken down into these components (1,2,3,5):
· favorable opinions of the body to include a functional view of the body,
· acceptance of the body and perceived “imperfections”,
· a peer group that also promotes body acceptance and diversity,
· respect for the body as evidenced by attending to its needs and engaging in health-promoting behaviors,
· body protection in the form of rejecting unrealistic media portrayals,
· embodiment as defined as a deep connection and inner attunement with the body,
· and self-worth independent from body shape or weight.
Let’s unpack these components further and talk about specific ways we can promote them in our children and in ourselves.
Favorable opinions of the body to include a functional view of the body.
This is a component where modeling is crucial. How many of you grew up with parents that spoke positively about their own bodies in a consistent manner? This is not to knock or judge previous generations, but rather to point out that many of us did not grow up in a culture that promoted body positivity at all. Here are some examples of things to do or say (out loud or just to yourself) that can help create a different climate in our homes and in our minds:
“Look at how strong your legs are- you just ran all that way!”
“Aren’t our bodies amazing? They do so much for us every day- thousands of things we don’t even think about.”
“My body is capable of so much.”
“I really appreciate all that my body has carried me through.”
“I love my arms (or my hands, my smile, my eyes, my core, my feet, etc.).”
Acceptance of the body and perceived “imperfections”.
Whether it’s a mole on your face, a crooked nose, a large stomach…this can be a challenging one for so many. For this component of positive body image, I know we often label various body parts as “imperfect”, but perhaps a completely different approach is warranted. Say to yourself or to your child: “What is perfect anyways, when it comes to the body?! There are 8 billion people on this planet. We all look different, with a wide range of shapes, sizes, and appearances.” Encourage yourself or your child to view all aspects of the body with compassion- completely worthy of love, attention, and respect. (This is incredibly difficult at times, but it takes repetitive practice and modeling for it to truly “sink” in.)
Peer group that promotes body acceptance and diversity.
Needless to say, this one can be tricky in our culture. And yet, these groups exist (or at least can be cultivated). If you don’t have friends or family members that promote body acceptance or diversity, look for individuals who do. Or, you could strive to be the individual in your group that sets a different tone when it comes to talking about bodies, weight, and size.
Respect for the body by attending to its needs and engaging in health-promoting behaviors.
You can model this one for your kids (and cultivate this component for yourself) by routinely checking in and asking these types of questions:
“How hungry/full am I right now?”
“I’m sensing that you’re sad or disappointed- is that true? What do you need?”
“Mommy is feeling tired; I’m going to take some time for myself and rest.”
“It stinks that you have a headache- what do you think you need to make it better- water, rest, a dark/quiet place?”
“My body really needs to move right now; anyone want to join my outside?”
Body protection in the form of rejecting unrealistic media portrayals.
In my home, practicing this type of rejection/critical analysis consists of statements like these:
“That image isn’t real.”
“99.9% of people don’t look like that, I’m just saying…”
“That is highly edited and filtered.”
“Those images seem to encourage a lot of comparisons, which typically makes us feel pretty bad…let’s not look at that.”
“Those individuals are trying to play on our emotions and make us buy something; we don’t need to fall for it.”
Embodiment as defined as a deep connection and inner attunement with the body.
Embodiment is experiencing the body from the inside out, versus the traditional approach we take towards our bodies: approaching it almost as if we were an outside observer- judging, critiquing, and analyzing. Embodiment means we foster a deeper connection and attunement with our bodies. Mindfulness practices, yoga, Tai Chi, etc., all help foster this type of connection. We can feel “embodied”, however, no matter what we’re doing. We could be sitting outside, swimming, walking, playing with our kids, washing dishes… Embodiment refers to a quality of presence and a state of groundedness.
Self-worth independent from body shape or weight.
How much of your self-worth is dependent on your size or looks? How do you think your child would answer this question? Whatever the answers might be, don’t judge yourself, just see if you can use this as information. How might you broaden and expand (or redefine) notions of self-worth in your home? What types of attributes receive praise and compliments in your home? What gets focused on and nurtured? See where it may be helpful to make shifts or completely change things so that you’re living more in alignment with your values.
Parenting alongside doing our own inner work can be so challenging. Go easy on yourself as much as possible. Remember- it’s more about cultivating an empowering climate over time versus getting it perfectly “right”.
I’d love to hear from you! How do these components show up in your homes? What practices and techniques are you implementing?
References
1. Avalos, L., Tylka, T. L., & Wood-Barcalow, N. (2005). The body appreciation scale: Development and psychometric evaluation. Body image, 2(3), 285-297
2. Burychka, D., Miragall, M., & Baños, R. M. (2021). Towards a comprehensive understanding of body image: Integrating positive body image, embodiment and self-compassion. Psychologica Belgica, 61(1), 248.
3. Frisén, A., & Holmqvist, K. (2010). What characterizes early adolescents with a positive body image? A qualitative investigation of Swedish girls and boys. Body image, 7(3), 205–212. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.bodyim.2010.04.001
4. Tylka, T. L. (2011). Refinement of the tripartite influence model of men: Dual body image pathways to body change behaviours. Body Image, 8, 199–207.
5. Wood-Barcalow, N. L., Tylka, T. L., & Augustus-Horvath, C. L. (2010). “But I Like My Body”: Positive body image characteristics and a holistic model for young-adult women. Body Image, 7(2), 106-116.