The Unique Challenges of Body Image in Adolescence: A Roadmap for Parents

Adolescence, that interesting/complicated/exciting/challenging/never-a-dull-moment phase between childhood and adulthood, is marked by profound physical, emotional, and social changes for our kids. And right at the heart of these changes lies body image—an issue that can both shape and shake the very foundation of a teen's sense of self. Over the course of my two decades as an eating disorder and body image specialist, so many parents have expressed their concerns and fears related to their kids’ body image, along with the utmost desire to get this area of parenting “right”.  As a mom of three (including two tween girls), I can completely understand!

 

Picture this: Your once carefree child is now navigating a labyrinth of hormonal surges, a changing body shape, and increased social and societal pressures. The mirror, once a mere reflection, can become something else entirely; for many, it can become a battlefield (or at the very least, a measuring stick) where self-esteem is won or lost. And in today's digital age, where social media reigns supreme, the ceaseless bombardment of idealized images and the pressure to conform to unrealistic standards can feel down right suffocating.

 

Puberty, that rollercoaster ride of biological transformations, plays a pivotal role in shaping body image during adolescence. Suddenly, limbs lengthen, voices crack, pimples emerge, and body shapes change quite drastically, seemingly overnight. It can be a time of both awkwardness and uncertainty—a phase where teenagers often feel like they're inhabiting a stranger's body. For some, this can lead to a feeling of disconnection with their bodies, which can feel foreign and alarming.

 

And let's not forget the influence of peer groups, those social circles where approval and fitting in is currency. During these years, the opinions of friends can carry much more weight than those of parents or caregivers. As normal as we all know this to be, this can still be so challenging for us parents!

 

Then- there’s sexuality. As adolescents grapple with newfound desires and attractions, their bodies become not just vessels for self-expression, but objects of desire. For some, this can cause feelings of self-consciousness and/or inadequacy, fueling pursuits of attaining or maintaining unrealistic ideals at all cost. For others, it can just be an incredibly confusing time, one in which they feel ill-prepared or ill-at-ease. This disorientation can lead to distress and a lack of security in their bodies and in their lives.

 

So, what's a parent to do in the face of such daunting challenges? It may feel overwhelming and anxiety-provoking, especially when we have our own painful or awkward memories from this era, however, I firmly believe we can be our kids’ biggest cheerleaders and sources of support! Yes, there are so many challenges to navigate, AND we can remain calm, sturdy anchors for our children, equipped with all the skills to help them navigate this period of their lives.

 

Let’s unpack a few of the basic skills when it comes to adolescent body image:

 

1. Foster open, honest communication: Create a safe space where your teenager feels comfortable discussing their feelings and concerns about their body and sexuality. Listen without judgment and validate their experiences. We, of course, set the stage for this well before adolescence, but I believe that it’s never too late to start trying. All kids want to feel seen and understood. Genuinely trying to create a climate that fosters this can go such a long way. Also- practice being ok with not having all the answers and being able to tolerate distress. Adolescence can be filled with uncertainty and novelty. Be sure that your teen knows that while it can be hard to go through change, you will help them learn, explore, and figure it all out together. You might not be able to make it all go away or magically fix certain problems or challenges, but you can convey the message that you will be there every step of the way. With adolescents in particular, find ways to meet them where they’re at in terms of communication. This means being mindful of when and how they best communicate.

 

2. Be a positive role model/do your own work: Your own attitudes and behaviors towards your body can profoundly impact your teenager! Teens, way more than children, will become very aware of your attitudes and beliefs about bodies, size, and beauty. Practice self-compassion and demonstrate positive, full-health-promoting habits (meaning mental and physical health in all its aspects), rather than focusing strictly on appearance or weight. If memories of your own adolescence are particularly painful, I would strongly encourage you to seek your own professional help in this area.

 

3. Challenge unrealistic standards- again, and again, and again: Encourage critical thinking by discussing media portrayals of beauty/fitness/health and the unrealistic expectations they perpetuate. Help your teenager understand that people come in all shapes and sizes, beauty can be redefined and expanded, and that health is a multi-faceted, highly individualized aspect of our lives. And again, practice what you preach! Teens can sniff out dishonesty a mile away, am I right?

 

4. Focus on whole health, as well as a strong sense of identity: Shift the conversation away from appearance-based compliments towards praising effort, resilience, and character traits. Emphasize the importance of whole mind/body/soul nourishment- ample movement and rest, the importance of genuine and uplifting social connections, spiritual practices, embodiment exercises and other ways to connect deeply to the body, therapy, etc. Normalize the desire to fit in, while also discussing the importance of living in alignment with one’s personal values. Discuss friendships with your child- what they look for in friends, how to be a good friend, how to recognize “red flags” in friendships, how to check in with themselves regarding how a particular friend or friend group is making them feel, how to put up boundaries in friendships or when to end a relationship, etc. Encourage a sense of autonomy and trust in their own “knowing” or intuition, especially when something feels “off” in a relationship.

 

5. Limit/curate social media exposure: Monitor your teenager's online activity and discuss the potential pitfalls of comparing themselves to carefully curated images on social media platforms (or just the pitfalls of comparisons in general). Encourage them to cultivate real-life connections and hobbies that bring them joy. Not that all online activity is harmful by any means, but encourage discussions of its impact and effects on mental health.

 

Remember, adolescence is a day-by-day journey. I know every parent wants to get it “right”, but what if we shifted our focus away from saying and doing the perfect things, to focusing on the connection we have with our child above all else? When we focus on the quality of the connection- the trust and emotional safety present in the relationship, we make room for our mistakes and our humanity. We also make room for a real, authentic, nurturing relationship to emerge and strengthen. Our kids might not voice it (they’re teens after all), but this is what they’re most needing during this stage anyways. Not perfect parenting, but rather parenting that is sturdy, consistent, engaged, and emotionally supportive. Parenting that can help them look the hard stuff of life right in the eye and say: “We’ve got this.”