An Epidemic of Disconnection in a Time of Hyper-connectivity: What it Means for Our Mental Health (Especially Body Image and Eating Behaviors)

The teens at the bus stop, not talking, all staring down at their devices….

The couple at the restaurant, both scrolling through their feeds…

The kids at the neighborhood pool all huddled around a screen watching YouTube…

In the words of Sherry Turkle, we are forever elsewhere.

 

Like no other time in history, we have thousands of bits of information available to us at the push of a button, not to mention access to the everyday lives of thousands of people. I won’t belabor the point that the technological advancements in the last 20 or so years have reshaped our world in so many positive ways. For many folks, these advancements have been lifesaving: from greater access to education and health services to the ability to spread messages far and wide and interact with others from across the globe.

 

However, the changes over the past few decades, especially since the advent of the modern smart phone around 2007, have also had alarming consequences as well. Jonathan Haidt, a social psychologist at NYU and author of the recently published The Anxious Generation, argues that a “rewiring of childhood” (and I might argue a rewiring for all ages) is to blame for our growing mental health crisis. He believes (and highlights a vast amount of research to support his assertion) that the move from a play-based childhood to a phone-based/tech-based childhood has impeded the natural social-emotional development of children, and we’re all witnessing its harmful effects. Especially among young folks, our society is experiencing an unprecedented rise in the number of individuals suffering from poor mental health: increased levels of anxiety, depression, suicidality, eating disorders, etc.

 

Think about what happens when children play. They test limits, take risks, discover new things, interact with others, and learn to collaborate and navigate various social situations. They are “in” in their bodies, interacting in real-time with others (turns out this is very important), and learning and growing in response to the vast array of sensory input they are receiving (via eye contact, body language, proprioceptive and interoceptive input). As children have retreated more and more into virtual worlds, many have missed these vital learning opportunities and developmental milestones. Additionally, many are experiencing a profound sense of both disconnection (with others) and disembodiment (with self). To further compound matters, many children and teens are spending countless hours on what Haidt refers to as “social comparison engines” (aka social media) during a time when they are vulnerable and lonely but lacking in the appropriate and necessary social-emotional skills to navigate this terrain. (It’s worth noting that the virtual social terrain isn’t necearilly conducive to the acquisition of these skills either; too many individuals hide behind anonymity, interact asynchronously, and present inauthentic versions of themselves.) Unfortunately, this is a setup for significant mental health problems to emerge. Again, we are observing this in concerning levels for our youth, but adults are certainly suffering as well. Many adults in today’s times grew up in a less digitally-focused age, where they were at least able to develop some foundational social-emotional skills prior to the introduction of smart phones and the like. Our kids aren’t quite so lucky.

 

Disordered Eating and Poor Body Image: The Perfect Storm

 

Disordered eating and poor body image, then, emerge in part from this confluence of factors. (There are of course genetic and other influences as well, but a tech-based world isn’t helping matters.) When we remove or hinder the development of the social and emotional skills necessary to adequately navigate life, add in high levels of disconnection, disembodiment and  social comparison, we have the recipe for a very disordered relationship with our bodies and food. In essence, many of our young people do not have a strong sense of self or their place in the world (which develops from play, connection, and embodiment), so they are ill-equipped to properly care for and nourish themselves (with actual food, yes, but also on an emotional, psychological level as well).

 

So, what now?

 

I have profound hope for this next generation, as well as for adults of all ages. Given what we know now, I think we are in a powerful place to be able to step back and reassess where we’re currently at as a society, and where we are going. Technology isn’t going anywhere, but we can certainly engage with it differently and do all that we can to better protect our mental and emotional wellbeing.

 

Here are a few ideas for consideration:

-Delay giving your child access to their own smart phone as long as possible; this is, of course, a very unique and personal decision for families. The research shows that access to a phone per se is not detrimental (in terms of the ability to call and speak to friends); it’s the access to a large number of apps, hi speed internet, social media, and constant notifications that can be problematic.

-Create plenty of opportunity for your kids to play, to take risks, to spend time outdoors, and to connect with others. (I can’t emphasize the “risk” part enough. This clearly doesn’t mean entering into dangerous situations, but it does involve allowing them to learn about their own limits and to be able to navigate conflict and difficult emotions successfully).

-Create phone/tech free zones in your home and in your life (e.g., the bedroom, when you’re eating dinner, when friends come over to hang out, etc.).

-Schedule regular tech detoxes (for the whole family).

-Have a family tech agreement (again, ideally for all members to abide by… our kids are watching and learning from us!). I hear parents sometimes say, “Well, it’s too late… I just haven’t put up good boundaries when it comes to phones and tech.” It’s never too late! You are still the parent, after all. Be clear about expectations, natural consequences, and boundaries. Enforce the agreement and make it known why you are enacting this- to prioritize everyone’s mental health. It won’t be popular at the beginning (trust me), but after some time your family will experience the positive effects of this lifestyle shift, which will be reinforcing in and of itself.