Responding to Inappropriate Body-Related Comments
Fat shaming or body-critical comments are negative remarks about someone's body size, shape, or weight. These comments can be explicit or subtle, but their impact is consistently harmful. Fat shaming includes statements like "You would be so much prettier if you lost some weight" or "Are you sure you should be eating that?" Examples of body-critical comments include: “Ugh, I don’t like my thighs in these pants” or “Gotta get rid of these love handles- the diet starts Monday!” These comments not only hurt the individual they are directed at but can also have long-lasting effects on one’s mental health, body image, and eating behaviors.
The Harms of Fat Shaming and Body Criticism
Research has consistently shown that fat shaming and high levels of body criticism can lead to significant psychological and physical health issues. Researchers have found that adolescents who experienced weight-based teasing were more likely to develop disordered eating behaviors and had poorer body image compared to those who did not experience such teasing (3). A recent meta-analysis of over 30 studies, to include 15,496 individuals who experienced weight stigma, demonstrated that weight stigma is associated with increased levels of depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem (1). Furthermore, weight stigmatization can lead to cycles of weight gain and poor physical health outcomes for the individuals who experience it (2).
Powerful Responses to Inappropriate Comments
Ok, so what do we do about all of this? We start speaking out and using our voice in service of changing the culture. Not exactly a small task, right? However, don’t underestimate the impact that just one person can make. We can all affect change in our communities by modeling more inclusive definitions of beauty, health, and worth. Part of this starts with addressing inappropriate, harmful comments pertaining to body size, shape or weight when they occur. We all must find the type of response that we’re most comfortable with and that fits the situation. This will look different for everyone. For those that struggle to find the “right” language in the moment, here are some phrases to try.
Statement: "You've gained weight. Should you be eating that?"
Response: "Thanks for your concern, but it’s my body. I’ve got this.”
Statement: "You need to lose weight for your health."
Response: "Health is a multi-faceted thing, and it involves more than just weight. Please don’t make assumptions about my health or well-being. That’s between my doctor and me.”
Statement: "You're too fat to wear that."
Response: "I’ve decided to wear what I like and what makes me feel good.”
Statement: "If you keep eating like that, you'll never lose weight."
Response: "Please don't comment on my eating. It’s not helpful to me.”
Statement: "No one will find you attractive if you're overweight."
Response: "That’s your opinion, and I disagree. I wouldn’t want to be with someone so focused on a number on the scale anyways.”
Statement: "She’d look so much better if she lost some weight."
Response: "Please don’t talk about her that way. We’re teaching her that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes.”
Statement: "I’m going on a diet as soon as I get back from this trip!”
Response: “I’m sure you mean no harm, but we’re trying to avoid diet talk in our home. In the future, can you be mindful not to mention diets in front of my child?”
Statement: “I started this new diet I can’t wait to tell you all about- the weight is just falling right off!”
Response: “I’ve just found that diets don’t work; you feel deprived, the weight is always regained, and you end up with a way worse relationship with food. No thanks- I’m good!”
Statement: "Aren't you worried about diabetes?"
Response: "I’m not. I take care of my body and my health, without consuming myself with a number on the scale.”
Statement: "You're setting a bad example for your kids."
Response: "I disagree and that’s also my family’s business. My kids are learning to love and respect their bodies, and to develop a positive relationship with food.”
Statement: "You're going to eat that?"
Response: "Yes, I am. Want some?”
Statement: “Oh my goodness…I look terrible, I can’t go out like this!”
Response: “Don’t be so hard on yourself! Let’s go enjoy ourselves!”
Statement: "I only say this because I care."
Response: "You can care for me by not making hurtful comments about my body. I’m asking that you please stop.”
Trust me, I know that having these conversation can be difficult and feel awkward! This is especially true if you’ve been taught to avoid conflict or to avoid “rocking the boat”. However, setting clear and direct boundaries can protect both your mental health and that of your loved ones. By standing up to body shaming, as well as to cultural norms of body criticism, we can create a more accepting and supportive environment for ourselves and future generations. Who’s with me?
References
1. Alimoradi, Z., Golboni, F., Griffiths, M. D., Broström, A., Lin, C. Y., & Pakpour, A. H. (2020). Weight-related stigma and psychological distress: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Clinical Nutrition, 39(7), 2001-2013.
2. Lee, K. M., Hunger, J. M., & Tomiyama, A. J. (2021). Weight stigma and health behaviors: evidence from the Eating in America Study. International Journal of Obesity, 45(7), 1499-1509.
3. Puhl, R. M., Wall, M. M., Chen, C., Austin, S. B., Eisenberg, M. E., & Neumark-Sztainer, D. (2017). Experiences of weight teasing in adolescence and weight-related outcomes in adulthood: A 15-year longitudinal study. Preventive medicine, 100, 173-179.