Back-to-School Anxiety? A Clinician’s Tips for Parents
As a kid, I remember the mix of excitement and anxiety that accompanied the back-to-school season. I was excited to see friends again, catch up on summer happenings, and go shopping of course (and not just for the clothes…I could geek out over a fresh new pack of pencils or any type of organizational tool). I also remember feeling somewhat nervous about new teachers and students, the demands of new classes, and a more taxing schedule than the lazy days of summer. It is completely normal for your child to be feeling many different emotions during this season, and each child will certainly approach this time of year differently. Read on for some general strategies and tips to help your child ease into the new school year. As always, if your child appears to be truly struggling, and not responding well to your interventions or attempts to quell the anxiety, consult a mental health professional. They might need a little more support this year, and that’s perfectly okay!
General Strategies & Tips for Managing Back-to-School Anxiety
1. Open, Validating Communication: Encourage your child to express their feelings about returning to school. Validate any emotion they might have, without trying to fix it. (This process, alone, can help reduce anxiety and build trust!) Let them know that it’s normal to feel a mix of feelings around this time of year, and that they’re certainly not alone in any of it.
2. Establish a Routine: Consistency can be incredibly comforting for children of all ages. Start re-establishing school routines slowly, such as bedtime and morning schedules (ideally a couple of weeks before school begins). This helps ease the transition and sets expectations.
3. Visit the School: Familiarizing (or re-familiarizing) your child with the school environment can significantly reduce anxiety. Take them to the playground, walk around the building, and, if possible, meet their teacher(s). This can make school feel more like a familiar place rather than an unknown entity. (For some kids, this might heighten their anxiety. If this is the case, I would still encourage you not to avoid going to the school- as avoidance breeds more anxiety. It will just be very important to have a coping plan for the excursion, and to engage in some type of calming, regulating activity afterwards.)
4. Rekindle Friendships: Organize playdates or meet-ups with classmates before school starts. Having familiar faces on the first day can alleviate a lot of anxiety. Encourage your child to talk about their friends and any concerns they might have about social situations. For older children, encourage them to reach out and reconnect with friends with whom they may have grown apart over the summer months.
5. Develop Coping Strategies & Specific Plans: Equip your child with simple, effective coping mechanisms to use before, during, and/or after the school day. This might include square breathing (or some other type of breathwork or visualization practice), fidget or sensory tools to keep at school or in their backpacks, a journal with affirmations written in it, a trusted teacher or school counselor to reach out to if needed, etc. Talking through various scenarios with your child ahead of time can be very helpful (e.g., how will you handle anxiety/overwhelm in the lunchroom, what if you’re running late for class, how will you handle meeting new friends, etc.). We certainly can’t anticipate every scenario, but talking through general emotions that may emerge is a great starting place.
6. Share Your Own Experiences: Let your child know that it’s perfectly normal to have worries about going back to school. Share your own experiences and remind them that many of their peers are feeling the same, exact way. My kids love to hear embarrassing, funny stories from “back in the olden days”, a.k.a. when I was in school. This helps foster connection and communicates the idea that we are all humans, struggling with change at times, and trying our very best.
Parents have their share of mixed emotions this time of year too! Be sure to attend to your own emotions and needs this season, making self-care a non-negotiable. As always, remember that transitions take time, so go as easy as you can on yourself in the weeks surrounding the start of school (e.g., reduce obligations, minimize your social calendar as much as possible, allow for more downtime, etc.).
Wishing everyone a safe, healthy, and happy school year ahead!